Slithering and Flying
by justmegaman
Summary: Snake and Falcon are rivals for the love of the bodacious Samus. One day, they must work together to break into her room and present her with a power suit upgrade. Will friendship form along the way? For The Smart One 64's Adventure/Friendship contest.


_A'kay, this is my entry for The Smart One 64's Smash Bros. Adventure/Friendship challenge. It's a little rushed, because I have to finish by the end of the month for it to be a legitimate entry for it to be a legitimate entry. Hopefully it's still good! I don't honestly expect to win at all, seeing as I'm a pretty "meh" writer compared to everyone else who's competing. In any case, I at least hope everyone enjoys it in some way! Reviews would be great! ;D_

Snake ripped the hunting knife fresh from its sheath, jabbing it into the carpet. Kneeling and cutting fervently, his dark eyes twinkled as he grunted while the knife slashed apart the rough surface of the fabric. It was a slow, difficult process, but it was worth it. His lovely Samus awaited him. If he presented her with this gift, she would love him forever.

Snake was usually stoic and calm, always quiet around the other fighters. His aim was to be the very best out of all brawlers, and his main competition was Meta Knight, Marth, and King Dedede. He trained every day with the Fighting Alloys in hopes of bringing down his comrades and becoming the most honored fighter of all. But his attention had been caught by one power-suit-wearing lady one day, and while his combat abilities had slipped, he had never been happier.

Samus was perfect. Practically perfect, at the very least. She was a hardened soldier, but retained all her beauty and grace. She knew how to hold her own and exercised constantly, but was much more gorgeous than your typical female Russian shot putter. Finally, she had killer aim with a gun. A quality he always looked for in his women. Samus was the love of his life.

After finally making a clean square shape in the carpet of the reading room, he gingerly rose up the knit tile and found what he was looking for; it looked like a flat, glowing rectangle. He snatched it up and grinned devilishly while re-sheathing his knife, knowing fully what it actually was. A power suit upgrade. Many of them were hidden around the mansion for Samus to find, and discovering them all was her latest endeavor. She had been having trouble with the one in the reading room, so Snake had taken it upon himself to find it. He finally had, and Samus would be thrilled.

"Hee hee! Lemme take that!"

Snake was utterly shocked as a tall, buff figure grabbed the upgrade from his hands and ran out the door, taking a quick, goofy-looking stride as the way he exited. Snake whirled his head around to catch a glimpse of the thief; Captain Charles Jay Falcon.

"Falcooon!" Snake yelled, nimbly jumping up from the ground and giving chase. "Give that back right now! I found it; I deserve to give it to her!"

"Fat chance, greaseball!" Falcon retorted, turning the corner and breaking out in cold sweat once he saw Snake was gaining on him very quickly. Shouting out "Falcooooooon RUN!", he increased his pace by a mile as his feet burst into the flames and an enthusiastic grin spread across his face, cheek-to-cheek.

"Aw, yeah!" He screamed in triumph. Snake growled furiously, tempted to take a grenade from his pocket and fling it at Falcon's head right before he turned on another corner. He held his desire back, though the temptation lingered as he quickened to as fast as he possibly could, and only gaining slight ground on Falcon.

Snake and Falcon were constant rivals for Samus's affection. They frequently flung insults at each other from across the lunchroom, engaged in particularly vicious brawls when they happened to go up against each other, and even resorted to various childish pranks, often in front of Samus, in order to humiliate each other. They had both been vying for her love ever since they first saw her in her zero suit, with her blonde hair in a ponytail and her whole luscious figure shown against the blue backdrop. (AN: Holy crap, it sounds like I'm writing a lemon or something. XDDD)

"I'LL KILL YOU, FALCON! YOU HEAR?" Snake screeched, becoming seriously angered at this point. Falcon gulped out of worry, realizing that though he was fast he would inevitably run out of steam, and Snake could simply snap his neck like a twig once that time came.

"Uh…hey, Snake!" Falcon cried, skidding to a stop as his shoes brought up slight smoke while the fire extinguished. As soon as Snake reached him, he yanked the hunting knife back out of its sheath and grabbed Falcon by his yellow scarf, bringing the blade dangerously close to Falcon's bulging neck veins.

"You. Are. Dead," snarled Snake, enunciating every syllable. Falcon laughed very nervously, his teeth chattering from how scared he was. Snake had a practical talent for instilling fear in others, and that was his big advantage over Falcon. What was Falcon's advantage over Snake? Well, Falcon thought of himself as very sexy, though not many other opinions have been given to this effect.

"Listen! Just listen to what I have to say!" Falcon pleaded, biting his quivering bottom lip. Snake chuckled, finding this statement amusing.

"What are you planning to say?" Snake asked sarcastically. "Oh, please, Snake! Don't murder me! If you do then that makes one less person in the world who has yet to witness my muscles! These abs don't just come along every day, you know! They only come in someone special!" The impression was near-perfect, embarrassing Falcon as he had considered uttering those exact words.

"N-no!" Falcon claimed, his voice just barely cracked. "I was going to say that…we could work together to get this upgrade to Samus! She lives in such a highly protected room, you know! Even a super soldier like you would have trouble breaking in! And if you did break in, it would shock her and she would blast your head off! If we work together to find the right things to get inside, at least one of us will live! And that one can have Samus!"

Snake hesitated for a moment, before carefully pulling his knife away from Falcon's pharynx and back into its sheath. He cleared his throat before speaking up. "All right, fine, Falcon. For once you don't seem to be incredibly clueless, so we can work together. But I'm using you as a shield if she does try to kill us."

"Deal!" Falcon exclaimed, grinning from ear-to-ear as he shook Snake's hand. "You won't be disappointed! Obviously enough, I can run faster out of the both of us! And you can climb and crawl and have heavy artillery and all that! So we can definitely help each other out in this quest!"

Snake rolled his eyes and sighed as he strode down the hallway, Falcon swiftly bringing up the rear. "All right, before we do anything we're going to have to head to Samus' room and check out what kind of locks and everything that she has on the door to barricade people out. Then we have to collect supplies to break in."

Falcon gave a nod of understanding, his mouth a thin line. "All right, well, I have stalked Samus to her room before, so I know where it is! Just follow me!" Though Snake was a bit disturbed at the info that Falcon was a self-admitted stalker, he complied and ran after through winding corridors and staircases. The duo encountered Luigi on their way, and saw that he was very disgruntled as he stomped his way to the cafeteria for a snack.

"Hey, Luigi?" Snake asked warily. "What the heck is wrong with you? You look really mad…"

Luigi glanced over at him with a mean frown, grunting as he continued on his way. Snake shrugged and left the subject well alone, until Mario came upon them, following after Luigi with an upset look on his face.

"Oh, gosh…" Mario moaned, and the two picked up on what he was saying. "He's pouting because he got totally murdered by Wario after he had bet his most prized action figure on him winning the match…I hope he's not like this for much longer."

Snake mouthed an "aaaahhhh" as he understood what was going on now. He caught up to Falcon, who had gotten ahead of him when he stalled to listen to Mario, and after a few grueling flights of stairs, they reached Samus' fluorescent green door, possibly made its color by toxic phazon, so they were careful not to the touch anything other than the doorknob and…six different locks.

There was a thick stack of separate metal locks sticking to the doorknob somehow; Snake counted six.

"Hey, look! Thirty-seven locks! That's insane!" Falcon declared, gaping at the horizontal stack. Snake facepalmed.

"…Falcon, there are six," muttered Snake. "How did you get freakin' THIRTY-SEVEN from SIX locks?"

"Well, I'm sorry!" Falcon whined, crossing his arms and sticking out his bottom lip. "I've had a tiny bit of trouble with spelling since I was twelve! Don't you judge me from it!" Snake scoffed and shoved Falcon out of the way, studying the first, and the only fully visible, lock. It was made of glossy silver and was a somewhat basic padlock, but the required key was flat and rectangular, as shown by the long but wide imprint for the key.

"Oooh! I know!" Falcon boasted, snapping his fingers and grabbing in his pocket, sticking his tongue out as he did. Haphazardly flinging gum wrappers and old lollipop sticks to the floor, he finally got the power suit upgrade that Snake had recovered, and he fit it into the imprint. Sure enough, the lock split into half and fell to the floor, clanging loudly.

"SUCCESS!" Falcon yelled obnoxiously, annoying Snake as he gave the second a close look. This one was more difficult; a concrete gray square that had the shape of a bird's beak deeply printed into it. Neither of them had an appropriate item that they could unlock it with on hand, so this would be something that they would have to scavenge for; or just go to their room for, in one's case.

"Okay! Then it's totally obvious what to do!" Falcon declared, grinning and raising his pointer finger in the air triumphantly. "We must get one of my pet falcons and put their beak in the lock! Then only four more!"

Snake nodded with a neutral look on his face as Falcon led him down the hallway and into the cafeteria, where they once again saw Mario and Luigi, Luigi chewing grumpily on a piece of pie while Mario did various amusing pantomime acts to try and cheer him up. Toon Link was gulping down a burger unabashedly, Pikachu nibbling on some chips next to him on the bench where he was sitting. Finally, Kirby was piling two different trays with various kinds of food, smiling mischievously at the morsels as he waddled over to Toon Link and Pikachu's table and sitting across from them.

Falcon marched over to a side door and pushed it aside with his clenched fist, heading over to a blue door decorated with many tacky stickers and one or two posters, one of them showcasing an upcoming horror movie and another showing promotional art for an old Super Nintendo game. Falcon turned the knob and straggled inside, with Snake following behind and gagging at the incredible mess on the floor. Old pizza boxes and chicken legs stunk up the room and littered the dirt-covered floor that was nearly invisible.

"This is disgusting!" Snake shouted nasally, holding his nose while his eyes flitted about in horror. The space on the bed was mostly taken up by a few shoe-boxes with masking tape smacked onto them, with marker writing saying things such as "Old Mentos" (Yes, Mentos, not mementos) or "My Sega Games." Snake just picked up a rusty metal bucket, a few pieces of trash at the bottom, and barfed, making exaggerated retching noises.

"You okay?" Falcon asked uneasily, opening the cage that his two pet baby falcons, Larry and Larryer, resided in, grabbing Larryer and closing the door.

"NO! THIS ROOM IS THE FILITHIEST PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN IN!" Snake roared, turning to Falcon with a red-as-a-beet face. "WHAT KIND OF REPULSIVE ANIMAL ARE YOU? JUST…UGH!"

"Well, my pets don't mind," defended Falcon. "Isn't that right, Larryer? Isn't that right? You don't think Papa's an animal, do you? No, you don't! No, you don't!"

Larryer pecked Falcon in the face, moving like a hummingbird.

"AAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!" Falcon shrieked, backing up but not letting go of Larryer, and so continually getting pecked, the big blue bruise on his face increasing in size and shade by the second. "HELP MEEEEEEE!"

Snake groaned and stomped over to Falcon, clutching the bird and pulling it out of Falcon's hand and away from his face fast. Falcon rubbed his cheek afterward, frowning and sniffling like a four-year-old girl. "St…stupid bird…I don't like you any more, Larryer…"

"Yeah, yeah, that's great and all, but we need 'im to get the second lock," Snake pointed out. "So let's go." The duo cut through the cafeteria again, getting some strange looks from everyone there, and Snake jammed the baby falcon's beak into the lock once they got there, and it fell into two, revealing the next lock.

"Aw, yeah! You're awesome, Larryer!" Falcon cheered, grabbing his bird and hugging him closely to the crook of his arm. The bird wiggled and struggled, attempting to break free.

"All right, let's see here…" mumbled Snake, staring at the platinum mechanism. A hole was engraved in the middle of it, in the shape of one side of a cone. Falcon sauntered up next to Snake, looking intently at the lock as well.

"Ooh! Let's use the beak again!" Falcon exclaimed, before Snake stopped him from subjecting the poor bird to use as a key yet again.

"No, it's too long. That won't work," claimed Snake. "Do you have anything like that?"

"…No…" Falcon said disappointedly, looking at the floor slanted, with watery eyes.

"Well, neither do I." Snake said gruffly, scowling at the lock. "So we'll actually have to look for this one. Come on, let's search."

This time Snake was the leader, and he dodged past sprinting fighters and the occasional unidentified flying object in order to look for the item he wanted. He kept his peripheral vision very focused, giving the attention of a full-on glance to items that seemed to deserve one, before turning his eyes back to the general area. Falcon brought up the rear, doing a sort of moonwalk behind Snake and double-checking things Snake was passing. The system worked well, except for the occasional thing that Snake let Falcon crash into for a good laugh.

The only problem was Larryer. Falcon refused to allow him to fly back to his room on his own, insisting that he'd get lost (though Snake thought he'd rather just not go back at all), so he was cawing at everything he saw, annoying passersby who had to listen to his irritating cry. Eventually, Bowser stopped trudging along and roared a burst of fire at the bird, making it screech and soar out of Falcon's grasp, zipping down the corridor.

"LARRYER! NO!" Falcon yelled, reaching his hand after the pet dramatically. Eventually, as Snake tapped his foot and looked at his wristwatch in annoyance, Falcon resorted to kneeling on the floor and weeping softly into his palms, which only further enraged Snake.

"Look!" Snake exclaimed in an irritated way, picking Falcon up to his feet by his arm. "I want to find this thing! So stop mourning your freakin' pet and let's hurry it up!"

Falcon wiped his nose clean and, after a brief choked sob, mumbled, "Okay." Snake rolled his eyes and dragged him along, going at a slower pace this time. He looked at items carried by fighters or situated on elegantly placed tables more closely, making sure it was something they needed or not. Finally, once he stopped off at a large painted glass window, he gasped as he saw what Zelda, Sonic, and Game and Watch were playing down in the courtyard. Coneball!

"Let's go!" Snake shouted to Falcon, clambering up onto the sill and pulling out a futuristic hookshot, much unlike the simplistic device Link carried.

"What are you doing?" Falcon whined, staring at the spy as he quickly grabbed his swiss army knife out of his pocket. "This is dumb…" Snake growled at him and shoved him to the floor, making him complain about Snake being a bossy jerk. Snake didn't listen.

Making a crack in the window using his knife and yanking Falcon up beside him, he broke through with the hook and gripped Falcon's arm tightly.

"Hold on," breathed Snake, as let go of the button he was holding and zooming away to a short ledge near the trio playing. Falcon screamed in terror as Snake grinned from the adrenaline rush. Perfect shot.

The two landed bumpily on the ledge. While Falcon just sat in a daze, holding his head and moaning, Snake leaped off the ledge and pocketed his hookshot, waiting smugly as Sonic approached him in a blur, Game and Watch looking at him blankly while Zelda stared in wonder.

"What do you want, Snake?" Sonic asked, wearing his trademark smirk while he did. "I had no idea that you liked playing coneball. Ah ha ha!"

"No, I just want the cone." Snake informed him, frowning at him disgruntledly. "The ijit need it for a…er…project we're doing. On the circle of life."

"…A cone for a project on the circle of life?" Sonic asked in disbelief.

"Yes!" Snake exclaimed urgently. "You see, we're going to make a diagram explaining how a CONE of life would not work nearly as good as a circle of life does…do you get what I'm saying here?"

"…You're not getting this cone," said a now-grouchy Sonic. "Poser!"

Snake raised an angered eyebrow upon that statement, and he knocked Sonic to the ground, just as Falcon tumbled down off the ledge and trudged up next to Snake.

"Hmph! Go long, tight-pants-poser!" Sonic mocked, running away with all the speed in his body and kicking up dust in Falcon and Snake's faces, causing them to cough furiously. He threw the cone across the sky strongly, his echo carrying over; "ZELDA! PLAY KEEP AWAY!"

Zelda smiled deviously and kept the cone floating midair with her magic. Falcon jumped up with Raptor Boost and tried to snatch it, but Zelda kept it just out of his grasp and he fell unimpressively to the ground. Zelda giggled and Game and Watch made a repetitive beeping sound that somewhat resembled a laugh.

Snake growled and fired off his hookshot again, grabbing the cone. Zelda grumbled angrily and tried pulling it towards her, but Snake stood his ground and kept it between the both of them. Game and Watch summoned his firemen eventually and shot off into the air, grabbing the cone. Falcon rushed over and PAUNCHED him, raising the cone in the air with a cocky grin; Zelda stole it away again and levitated it higher up in the air.

Snake grabbed his pistol from its holster and fired a blank, shocking Zelda and making her drop the cone. Snake leaned down and clutched it, running off with Falcon in tow. However, Sonic zoomed up in front of them, entering a wrestle with Snake for the cone. Snake gnashed his teeth as he got Sonic in a grapple, flinging the cone over to Falcon and letting him run like a crazy man back inside the mansion and to the door. Game and Watch gave pursue as Snake held down Sonic.

"G…gah!" Sonic yelled, trying to wriggle away. Snake kept an iron-tight grip on him, before a sadistically pleasing thought flew into his mind. He slowly unsheathed his hunting knife, as Zelda stared in horror, unable to warn Sonic due to her fright. Snake slid it up to Sonic's throat, and Sonic gagged in sheer terror.

"I'll slit it," hissed Snake. "Don't think for a second I won't. Now don't bother us anymore."

Sonic nodded hurriedly. "We won't! I won't! I'll make sure nobody does! Just…get that thing away from me!"

Snake agreed to that, yanking his knife away and standing up slowly, letting Sonic lie down quietly and take a breather. After a short moment, he told Sonic to call off Game and Watch; Sonic made a monotonous beep and Game and Watch leaned his head out the broken window Snake and Falcon had escaped through.

"Stop the chase!" Sonic ordered weakly. Game and Watch shrugged and then parachuted down to the ground, pulling his parachute back in the backpack once he landed. Snake trotted off to an ungated side entrance, sheathing his knife while he did. Sonic sighed in relief, finally at peace once the soldier was gone.

Snake skidded to a stop once he reached the door and a troubled-looking Falcon. He gave the fourth lock a quick look and found it required a jagged shark tooth; a rare commodity.

"I think Bowser has teeth like that," noted Snake. "He has a loose tooth, I think. Let's just grab one from his mouth."

"WHAT? YOU'RE INSANE!" Falcon screeched, his jaw hanging open stiltedly. "Take one of Bowser's teeth? That's like trying to make out with Jaws! No freaking way, man!"

Snake glowered at him, effectively scaring him into reluctantly agreeing to find Bowser and take his loose tooth in order to use it as a key.

"I STILL think this is a bad idea, just for the record…" Falcon babbled, Snake carelessly filtering out every word he said. "So, just for the record, when we get burned to ashes by Bowser, keep in mind that I thought we shouldn't have done it. You're a killer, Snake. Suicidal, too."

Snake snorted in laughter, trying to stifle his chuckles. Falcon was amusing, if a total moron. Although, he wasn't ever focused on the true objective; getting the girl, obviously. Snake was an attentive man. He always had his eye on the prize. Falcon was an unorganized mess. The two could not mix. Ever. Period.

"Uh, Bowser is on the top floor, with the big, black, foreboding stone door, with the painted silver knocker." Falcon spoke up, a bit annoyed that Snake had clearly not listened to him except for the last part. "The knocker has a dragon's head on it, too, so look out for that. Really creepy looking place, if you ask me."

The duo headed back to the stairs and, huffing and puffing, finally reached the top floor. A sufficiently tired Falcon threw the door open, weakly stumbling out into the hall. As Snake closed the door behind him tentatively, they approached the aforementioned big, black, foreboding stone door. Falcon, gulping harshly, slowly knocked on the concrete, and Bowser gruffly cracked the door open, sounding out a small creak.

"What?" he asked angrily.

"Um…we sort of want to, um, you know, visit with you," said Falcon in fake, nervous, enthusiasm. "Talk to you, y'know, catch up on old times. It'll be fun!"

Bowser rolled his eyes and slammed the door, making Falcon cringe and then give a heavy sigh of relief. "Well, that solves that problem! We'll find the door somewhere else-"

Snake grabbed him by his scarf and stopped him from walking off. Knocking on the door with much more speed, Bowser opened it again, with the same swiftness.

"GO AWAY!" Bowser screamed, taking great, heaving breaths. "ME CLOSING THE DOOR IN YOUR FAT LITTLE FACES SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH FOR YOU! WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Let us in," said Snake.

"No," replied Bowser. He was about to close the door again when Snake brought his pistol to Bowser's forehead, stuffing the barrel right between Bowser's eyes.

"Let us in," breathed Snake.

"N-no," repeated a nervous, unsure Bowser.

Snake cocked the gun, sighing in a depressed tone. "I'm so sorry it had to be this way, my friend. But, you know, if you refuse to cooperate with my frien-…acquaintance and I, then I'll just have to blow your brains out…"

"W-WAIT!" Bowser screeched, throwing his hands up and flinging the door wide open. "Come on in! Let's have that, uh, visit! Fun, right?"

Snake smirked evilly, holstering his gun and striding in, with Falcon following behind him and looking about reluctantly. "I thought so," mumbled Snake triumphantly.

"Well, what do you want to talk about, gentlemen?" Bowser questioned, in an obviously fake cheery tone. Snake looked around in disinterest, while Falcon's eyes darted around the room and became wider by the second; instruments of torture were shown proudly on the wall, hung on wooden tablets with gold engravings underneath them, telling their names; magma bubbled below them, supplying power to the furnace in the basement; the floor was made of coal; it was so hot in there; Falcon almost passed out from all the tension.

"We wanted to get something from you." Snake said casually, looking at Bowser with a bored expression.

"Get something from me? You aren't taking my weapons," said Bowser hurriedly. "I've accumulated so many over the years! I don't care what you do to me, I won't give them up! Never ever!"

"We're not here for weapons." Snake told him, his mouth a grim line. "Rather, we wanted something more…permanent. Lasting. A memento of our relationship over the years, perhaps."

"A memento?" Bowser asked cautiously. He didn't like where this was going at all.

"Yes. Something…large. And shiny." Snake said greedily.

"The…door knocker?" Bowser asked cluelessly.

"Something from your mouth," said Snake maliciously. "Something sharp."

"…Are you saying you want to play freakin' tooth fairy?" Bowser asked in disbelief. "N-no way! You ain't getting my teeth! Not even one chomper!"

"Uh…we need your teeth! We have…ways to make you give them up!" Falcon declared, grinning toothily at the Koopa King as he put his fists on his hips. "Yeah! Totally…eeeeeevil ways!"

Bowser stared at Falcon weirdly, before putting his attention back on Snake. "How do you plan to get 'em out? My jaw is impregnable! My teeth never come loose!"

"Oh, really?" Snake asked calmly, a small smile adorning his face. "Well, you were chewing your food very slowly and painfully at breakfast this morning, in the cafeteria…and I even saw you wiggle your tooth while you exited. Confess. Your tooth is vulnerable. And we will get it from you."

Bowser roared, waving his fists in midair. "You're crazy! None of my…none of my teeth are loose. I…uh…swear it to you on the life of my…granny! Yeah!"

"Your grandmother is dead!" Snake spat, scowling at the Koopa.

"Uh…yeah! But I still swear on her…dead life! Yeah!" Bowser exclaimed smugly.

Snake scoffed and ran up to Bowser, grabbing his lips and yanking them apart. Bowser pseudo-shouted and clawed at Snake's chest; he ignored the painful scratch and yelled at Falcon to tug at the disheveled tooth on the first row of Bowser's top teeth. Falcon nodded slowly and lumbered up, gripping the pearly white jagged anomaly and tugging at it, squeezing tightly. Bowser screeched, wriggling and getting loose of Snake, though Falcon kept holding on and tugging.

"LET…GO…OF…ME!" Bowser screeched, his voice a bit garbled due to his mouth being open. Falcon kept his hold tight, frowning and grunting as Bowser swung about, moving him across the floor. Eventually, Bowser threw his head back and let out a stream of fire, severely burning Falcon's hand and making him jump back and yelp; but as soon as Bowser put his head back down, the tooth clattered to the floor harmlessly.

Silence.

"!" Bowser screamed, as Snake took hold of the tooth and picked it up off the floor, and then getting the heck out of there, with Falcon leading due to his excitement about finally leaving that death trap of fire and bludgeoning weapons.

"Phew! That was a really close one!" Falcon pointed out, as the two hurried into the stairs shaft right as Bowser stomped out of his room and looked around for the thieves of his valuable tooth, bright red blood gushing out of the area where his tooth formerly was.

"I'd have to agree," said Snake, as the two made their way back to the door. "Sure was a scary place, even I have to say. He keeps it a nice and creepy little hole, I'll give him that."

Falcon laughed and high-fived the vigilante soldier, giving him props for it. They quickly fell back into silence once they realized they were actually getting along; a forbidden practice for two who did not mix. At all.

Approaching the door, Snake fit in and the tooth and saw the crown shape that was encrusted in the bronze, second-to-last lock.

The next task does not really deserve heavy description, as it is very menial and repetitive. Simply put, the two had to convince Princess Peach herself to give them her crown to borrow, just for a moment, and it required them to get many, many gifts, such as a mockingbird, a diamond ring, and so on. Eventually, they had to fight Mario to prove their worth, and they received slightly daze-inducing concussions from that. She finally yielded and agreed to give up her treasured crown, and the two ran back and gave it to her as soon as they had broken the lock.

"Okay, what's the last one? Let's just this over with," said a very tired Falcon. Snake nodded in agreement, studying the final lock, that was coated with flowing phazon like the door itself. It was the largest lock yet, since the key it required was quite large. In fact, this key was…

"No way." Falcon said, totally floored. "No freaking WAY."

"Yes, way," breathed Snake.

The end of Ridley's tail. That was the key.

Snake and Falcon (Falcon with a quivering lip) strode into the Boss Battles chamber, steam flying out of the futuristic sliding doors as they entered. The doors slid closed as Snake eyed the transporter marked with a plaque named "Ridley" at its base. It looked like a metal circle that was tinted a slight blue, with a curved wall of plexiglass in back of it. Snake stepped onto it and dragged Falcon on, and was about to push the button when…

"Look, Snake," said Falcon hesitantly. "Maybe we shouldn't do this. There are other ways to surprise Samus with this upgrade. Sure, she's been holed up in her room all day, but still…"

"No. This is the only way." Snake said with a hardened, insisting tone. "Let's do it, Falcon. Chickening out now just proves we're not worthy to have Samus."

Falcon sighed and nodded reluctantly, deciding it was now or never. He jammed his pointer finger on the big red button on the plexiglass wall, and the two; along with the transporter; were sent away in a flash.

They re-appeared on a hovering platform in the Research Facility II, and Ridley was staring them down, snarling madly. The transporter floated away to the background of the stage as soon as both of them stepped off.

"GO!" the announcer obnoxiously declared, as Ridley zoomed up to the duo. Snake jumped up in the air and did a strong kick, making Ridley's head snap back. Ridley roared and swiped at the soldier, launching him back to the platform quicker than expected. Falcon jumped up and did a punch-kick combo, before following with a Raptor Boost. Ridley was now enraged, and flew off into the background, before coming back up and knocking his enemies a good way into the air. Both of them landed back on the platform successfully.

The two then did a combined assault, a Falcon Kick in midair and some bazooka fire. Ridley did a sweep of one half of the stage with his tail, and Snake grabbed on to the arrow-pointed end and tried to yank it off. Ridley sent his tail whirling back to himself and shook it strongly, sending Snake down into the abyss. Falcon grimaced, performing another Raptor Boost as he waited for Snake to re-spawn, which he did in a few seconds.

Ridley finally leaped onto the floor rather than soaring just right from the platform, and then jumped up and landed on Falcon and Snake. Falcon was hit harder, and was shot a good ways into the air, but he navigated himself back. Snake threw a grenade at Ridley from afar and Falcon tried another aerial. With a tail swipe, Falcon was sent flying up, up, and away. A good amount of health had been removed from Ridley, but both Snake and Falcon had died once; and both had but two lives when they started, putting them down to one at this point. Things would be tight.

Snake grunted and heaved his arms up in a gauntlet as he jumped into the air and hovered towards Ridley. He did another strike and did a drop kick back down, doing solid damage. Falcon ran forward and re-did his punch-kick combo. It was time for Ridley's move, and he did a loop-de-loop above the platform. Snake was clever enough to jump in the middle, and he wasn't damaged, but Falcon was hit and knocked back. Snake then placed a bomb right at the platform's edge and activated it, catching Ridley's tail in the blast radius.

Ridley flew low over the stage, sweeping both Snake and Falcon up into the air with his sharp claws, Falcon going higher up. Falcon groaned and did his running attack, nearly running himself off the stage before Raptor Boost-ing back on. Just as Snake was prepping more fire, Ridley did a surprise attack, soaring into the background yet again and flying up, doing major damage to Falcon and sending him flying off the platform and into the abyss.

Suddenly, Snake found himself quite angry over Falcon's defeat, and he blindly yanked out his bazooka, firing a missile at Ridley. The dragon-esque general screeched in pain; it had little HP left. Mustering up a last bit of strength, he did a running attack and slowly fell down past the platform; however, Ridley exploded due to all his HP being depleted before Snake could complete the fall and lose the match. Snake's vision faded to black as he made one utterance before passing out:

"…Samus…"

Snake was shocked upon finding one item in the crook of his arm once he awoke on top of a sterile, plain white bed; the arrowpoint end of Ridley's tail. He smirked in happiness, holding it up and turning it to different angles in the dim light, studying it closely. This was definitely it; now they could break the final lock. Falcon clambered up next to him and waved, surprising him.

"Falcon? How did this get to me?" Snake asked curiously, raising an eyebrow to the good captain.

"Oh! Well, I woke up for once while we were being shipped back to the mansion, and there were parts of Ridley on the assembly line were moving down!" Falcon exclaimed, grinning toothily. "I grabbed the end of his tail and I put it in your arm! It's the last key, right?"

"Yeah, it definitely is," replied a nodding Snake.

"Then let's go get that last lock! We're in the infirmary right now!" Falcon shouted frantically, opening the door that led out into the hallway and gesturing for Snake to go out there. Snake smiled and nodded as he did, rushing out to the hall.

As they flew down the hallway, they both heard Samus's joyous laughter ring through the hall; they hid behind a pillar situated near the right wall and waited in anticipation. They were floored and dropped their jaws when they Samus come around the corner; on Pit's arm! And carrying a power suit upgrade!

"Oh, thank you so much, Pit!" Samus exclaimed, smiling. "I was having a lot of trouble with that one in the reading room, and you found it for me! You're such a sweetheart!"

"Oh, it was nothing!" Pit claimed, blushing as he looked at the floor, keeping his left arm linked with Samus's right. "Just a simple matter of cutting up some of the carpet…"

Falcon gasped in shock and clapped a hand to his forehead. "No way! I must have dropped it during all that running to get Peach's crown! This is so unfair! We do all the work and angel boy gets all the glory! Feh!"

Snake waved it off and shrugged, much to Falcon's huge surprise. As Samus and Pit chatted meaninglessly while rounding the corner again, he gave Snake a look of questioning.

"Don't you care?" Falcon asked, looking concerned.

"Well, I did." Snake explained, grinning in a snarky way at the PAUNCHING captain. "But that was before I found something better than a mindless crush; a really good friend."

Falcon's face lit up in shock, and he held up his palm with a warm smile. Snake high-fived it, and the two raced down the hall to play coneball in the courtyard with the one they had recovered earlier. Yes, they did not mix. But the law of "opposites attract" had seemed to work in their favor, and they are great friends to this day.

_I hoped everyone liked it! I worked quite hard on it, after all. Reviews would be hugely appreciated. Thanks for reading!_

_~Stay awesome_


End file.
